Four Clues for Keeping a Pulse on Your Children’s Self-esteem
| How your kids feel about themselves is critical for their happiness and success in life. Kids with strong self-esteem feel good about themselves – they tend to stay true to their values, stand up to peer pressure, and go for their dreams. However, kids with low self-esteem tend to get down on themselves – they often feel self-conscious, lack self-confidence, and might be easily influenced by peers.
It is not uncommon for kids to go through a phase where their self-esteem slips. Unfortunately most kids don’t know how to pull out of it on their own. By keeping a pulse on your children’s self-esteem, you can support them in getting back on track if they begin to slip.
So how can you tell if your children are experiencing low self-esteem? Here are several clues to look for:
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| 1. The first clue is to observe how they talk about themselves. Do they put themselves down (“I’m so stupid.”) or do they build themselves up (“I played that piano piece really well!”)? Do they compare themselves to others – seeing themselves as “less than” (“David’s a better hitter…I’m not very good) or do they see their gifts and talents as well (“David is a great hitter and I’m a great fielder!”). When children put themselves down or see themselves as “less than” others, they are showing signs of low self-esteem. Do they jump right in, assuming that others will like them or do they shy away, afraid of rejection? Do they introduce themselves to new kids or do they only play with kids they know? Children who shy away from new experiences and new people might be experiencing low self-esteem.
Grungies are negative emotions such as sadness, fear, anxiety, or embarrassment that often stem from self-doubt and self-criticism. If your child is experience the grungies, ask him a few questions to understand if he is getting down on himself. Listening to his self-talk can also help you understand what is going on. If he is experiencing self-doubt, work with him to develop a plan for success. If he is experiencing self-criticism coach him to focus on what is working versus what is not working and put together a plan to improve the area he is concerned about.
4. Finally, have them take an assessment. Asking your children a series of questions and listening to their responses is a great way to gauge how your children think about themselves. The Adventures in Wisdom skill book #12, “I Love Me! How to Develop Soaring Self-esteem” contains an assessment that you can use with your kids. By watching for these clues, you can help your kids get back on track if their self-esteem begins to slip. In future articles we will explore specific tips for helping your kids develop positive self-esteem.
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